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Family Contracts and Unconscious Agreements

In addition to contracts and vows that you made individually in a past life, you also have family and ancestral contracts that are active in this lifetime (we all do). These contracts were made at a more collective level based on specific family dynamics.

In some cases, these are contracts your family has been carrying for many generations.

When your soul came down into a physical body in this lifetime, you were born to a particular family. In fact, your soul made a conscious choice about entering into this family so you’d be able to learn specific lessons and evolve spiritually. Sometimes this idea can be difficult to accept, especially if you entered into a family that was abusive, neglectful, or dysfunctional. But your soul still made that conscious choice to be born into your birth (and/or adoptive) family for the purpose of spiritual growth.

As a small child, you had no defenses against the dominant values, belief systems, ideas, and conditioning of your family. Unconsciously, by entering into your birth family and becoming part of that “tribe”, you took on many of their ideas and beliefs about the world. These ideas and beliefs are often stored in the root chakra, the center of physical survival and tribal loyalties.

To be loyal to your “tribe”, you also took on some of the generational contracts that your family has been carrying for many lifetimes. These contracts become embedded in your energy field as you unconsciously agree to carry them on in your own life. This is why you often hear people talk about generational patterns or addictions that have been passed down from one generation to the next.

Some examples of family contracts include:

  • contract of silence or secrecy – especially if your family had or still has a lot of “secrets” or things that are “taboo”; things no one is allowed to talk about openly
  • contract of addiction – these can be any type of addiction, from alcoholism and drug dependence to addictions to people-pleasing, approval, success, money, or even addictions to drama and conflict
  • contract of shame or guilt – especially in maternal family lines, shame and guilt are often primary emotions that are passed down from mothers to daughters; for example, shame about one’s body/physical appearance, shame about one’s education level or income, shame about being different (such as being an introvert in a family of extroverts or being gay in a homophobic family)
  • contract of staying small to avoid overshadowing others in your family – especially for people who grew up with a narcissistic or self-involved or insecure parent, sometimes there’s a contract of staying small and diminishing your own achievements to avoid “stealing the spotlight”
  • contract of blind loyalty to family – this contract makes it really hard to be “disloyal” to your family by expressing your own needs and desires or going against your family’s wishes; for example, becoming a poet even though your father wanted you to be an attorney, leaving your family’s religion to explore spirituality in your own way, or adopting a vegan diet if your family eats a lot of meat. (No judgment either way on diet choices here… we all must work with our own bodies and wisdom about what’s best for us to eat.)

These family contracts keep you stuck inside the “bubble” of your birth tribe and prevent you from exploring your own interests, needs, and desires. These contracts can cause a lot of suffering in your life, sometimes even leading to physical or emotional symptoms like depression, anxiety, lack of fulfillment with your life choices, or chronic fatigue.

As with past life contracts, the first step to revoking a family contract or unconscious agreement is to identify that it exists. Then, a process of individuation and energetic separation between you and your family must occur. This doesn’t mean that you won’t love your family anymore, or that you have to blame them for anything, or that they’re “bad”.

It just means you’re recognizing the importance of becoming your own person and aligning with your Higher Self. It also means you’re willing to do the work to break dysfunctional generational patterns so that these contracts stop with you. This creates an opportunity for future generations in your family to manifest their lives consciously, instead of living out these contracts as well.

I’ve created a comprehensive 40-minute guided healing journey where we sweep through each of your energy centers, or chakras, to clear and revoke any ancestral contracts, patterns, or burdens held there. To access this healing journey, go here: Clearing Ancestral Contracts, Patterns, and Burdens

With love,

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