As we walk the path of spiritual awakening and healing, we can sometimes get caught up in trying to “fix” everything we think is wrong.
Everything we think is wrong with us. Everything we think is wrong in our lives.
Everything we think or feel is wrong with our kids, marriages, relationships, friendships, jobs, finances, health, even with our bodies.
Of course, self-improvement is a worthy endeavor. As long as you’re incarnated in a human body, there will always be more to heal and more ways to keep growing.
But this doesn’t mean you should avoid living your life by focusing too much on “fixing” it.
Messages of Brokenness
Growing up, you might have received messages and experienced things that made you believe you’re broken.
From the moment we’re born, we’re often bombarded with messages of brokenness – both consciously and unintentionally.
Within your personal sphere, these messages might have come from your family, schooling, friends, neighbors, and teachers.
More broadly, they might have come from your culture, society, religion, social media, and advertising media.
Messages of brokenness tend to sound like this:
- your body shape, weight, appearance, or level of ability is wrong, abnormal, or unattractive
- you’re not smart enough to do XYZ
- you’re too sensitive or emotional
- you don’t fit in / you don’t belong
- unless you do or become XYZ, you will not be loved
- life is too tough for you
- you’re bad at XYZ – this could be anything, such as you’re bad at math, you’re bad at relationships, you’re bad at sports, you’re bad at speaking up for yourself, etc (once you believe it, you will tend to recreate this over and over)
- you’ll never be able to do or have XYZ
Can you recognize some (or many) of these in your upbringing and in your current belief system?
These messages have made you see yourself as less-than, unworthy, flawed. As though there’s something inherently wrong with you that needs to be fixed.
This deep-seated feeling – and fear – that you’re broken can drive you to compulsively try to fix one thing after another in yourself. So you end up focusing on fixing your life instead of living it.
So, how might compulsive fixing look? Here are a few examples:
- endlessly going to therapy, week after week, only to hash out the same stories and memories over again (feeling like your life isn’t really changing all that much)
- using spiritual tools – tarot cards, oracle cards, crystals, etc – in a desperate and compulsive way, perhaps asking “what’s wrong with me?” or “how can I heal/fix myself?” over and over
- trying healer after healer, coach after coach, or getting non-stop readings and still feeling dissatisfied or like your life is in chaos
- becoming “addicted” to self-help, self-development, and spiritual books and podcasts – using them all day, every day
- feeling like you can’t start a new relationship or business/career, travel, make new friendships, or do something fun or meaningful in your life until you “fix” XYZ
- spending most or a lot of your time on online forums, support groups, etc that focus on fixing the thing you believe is wrong with you (these groups can sometimes unintentionally reinforce the belief that you’re broken)
If you recognize yourself somewhere in this list, I ask you to please not blame or shame yourself. We’ve all been there at some point or another.
You’ve done nothing wrong by trying to “fix” yourself. This has just been a way in which you’ve tried to heal, to feel whole, to feel ok and loved.
Messages of Wholeness
To start softening the tendency or compulsion to “fix” yourself, you can replace any messages of brokenness in your life with messages of wholeness.
These are more empowering, uplifting, and truthful beliefs about yourself and where you currently are.
Of course, you can’t shift your beliefs overnight – it takes more patience and persistence than that. But these can help you get started.
Replace your messages of brokenness with these messages of wholeness and safety:
- I’m doing the best I can for today.
- I might have been taught (or led to believe) I’m flawed because of XYZ, but I’m now understanding that this was just someone’s opinion – not the truth of who and what I am.
- I’m willing to release the belief that I’m broken.
- I’m willing to start living my life today, wherever I am right now.
- I’m willing to stop comparing myself to others, or to some ideal/perfect version of myself.
- I’m doing my best to give myself compassion and peace today.
- I’d rather choose to be at peace than to continue fighting with myself and everything I think is wrong about me.
- I choose to be grateful for everything I am and everything I have, instead of focusing on what needs “fixing.”
- I’m willing to let go of others’ faulty and limiting beliefs about me and about the world.
- I’m willing to embrace the idea that I am already whole (even if I don’t fully believe it right now).
- I’m willing to take a leap and live my life joyfully regardless of it not being perfect.
- I don’t need to be, achieve, or do anything in particular to be worthy – I am already worthy, safe, and lovable just by being me.
Sending all my love,