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Josephine Hardman akashic records healing

Hold firm to your boundaries (even if guilt or shame come up)

Dear Seeker,

Have you noticed (or experienced) what happens when you start enforcing healthier and firmer boundaries in your life?

Yup, some people get mad.

Some people get disappointed.

Some people get upset or offended.

Some people don’t – or can’t, or won’t – understand where you’re coming from.

Some people will think you’re being selfish.

Some people will completely disagree with and try to push back on your boundaries.

Some people will try to get you to walk back on your boundaries by shaming you, which might sound like this:

  • You’re being selfish / inconsiderate / self-centered / mean.
  • I don’t get why you can’t just do this “small” thing for me. Are you really THAT busy?
  • You always used to do this [whatever the thing is] for me before… I don’t get why you’re saying no now.
  • This isn’t a big deal to most people. [Or, even more shaming: “Normal” or “caring” people would say YES to helping me with this / doing this for me.] Why are you having a problem all of a sudden?

If you’ve been on the receiving end of this kind of language and energy, you know how tough it can be.

How triggering and emotional and awful it can feel…

… how it can make you question whether your boundaries are too “harsh”, or if you are indeed being “selfish”, or if you need to take it all back and reinstate your old people-pleasing ways.

(After all, when we used to people-please and placate and bend over backwards… no one seemed to get mad, right?? Except, of course, for the internal rage and resentment we were building against ourselves.)

When someone gets upset at your healthy boundary, you might be tempted to apologize, placate, walk it back, or dissolve your boundary altogether.

That’s what feelings of guilt and shame can do to you, whether they’re triggered by your own inner dialogue (“I should be taking care of them! I’m being selfish” etc) or by how other people react to your boundaries (“you’re being mean and I don’t like you anymore”).

When you feel that temptation to take it all back, undo your boundary, and become a people-pleaser again, remember:

THAT’S the key moment where you’re being challenged to break the pattern.

THAT’S the moment where you’re closest to a breakthrough.

THAT’S your opportunity to respond consciously, to choose what you want to do and how you want to do it…

… instead of reacting from an unconscious, scared, or wounded place in yourself.

If you allow yourself to fall back into a pattern of apologizing (when you don’t need to), placating, over-explaining your boundaries, defending yourself, trying to get others to understand, trying to control how others see you… that re-affirms and strengthens the old behavior.

But every time you enforce a firm, aligned, healthy boundary AND can sit with any feelings of guilt or shame that come up – without using those emotions as excuses to walk back on your boundary – you’re powerfully carving out a new pattern.

You are carving out a new identity.

You are becoming more of your authentic self.

You are liberating yourself.

So keep going – I’m standing with you!

With love,
Josephine  

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