The Weekly Seeker #3
Perhaps one of the things we most fear as humans.
The fear of rejection can be a huge obstacle in our lives, if we allow it to run the show. (For some of us, this fear is one of the major obstacles we must overcome in our journey of evolution.)
If you live with the fear of being rejected – if you allow that fear to rule you – you will most likely live to placate others. To please others. To be agreeable. To be liked by everyone.
Which is impossible.
The truth is that you’re not here to please others, or to be liked or accepted by everyone.
Trying to be what everyone else wants or needs you to be is exhausting and maddening. It literally drives you mad.
Suppressing yourself – who you really are, at your most authentic – is enraging.
Every time you deny your authentic essence, suppress your quirks, put on a smile even though you feel crappy, or pretend you’re ok with something when you’re really not – you get more and more enraged with yourself.
This is because you have a strong, wise, truthful part of you that just wants you to stop pretending, stop pleasing others, stop placating, stop hiding who you really are… stop living in fear of what others might think or how they might react to you. Just STOP.
Releasing the fear of rejection will likely take some time, patience, and practice. You can start now.
Practice every day what it’s like to be ok with not everyone liking you. Remind yourself it’s safe for not everyone to like you.
Remind yourself that a life well-lived – a life of freedom, peace, joy, expansion – is a life where you’re not held hostage by the fear of rejection. The fear of disappointing others. The fear of not being liked or approved of.
If absolutely everyone likes you, and everyone finds you agreeable, then you’ve been playing it too safe.
You’ve been keeping the peace too much. You haven’t rocked the boat enough. You haven’t stepped beyond your comfort zone enough.
But that’s ok. These are all things you can practice now, building up your muscles gradually. Wake up tomorrow and ask yourself:
- How can I express my authentic self today?
- Where have I been playing it too safe?
- How can I be less agreeable, and more true to myself?
Perhaps, as humans, we’ll always carry some fear of rejection. It’s only natural to want to be loved, and not something you should judge yourself for.
But if this fear prevents you from being YOU, from stating your needs, from speaking and acting and choosing authentically, from taking worthwhile risks in your life… that’s when the fear becomes an impediment. A roadblock in your path.
You can remove this roadblock by giving yourself the unconditional love and acceptance you’ve looked for in other people.
If you know you’ve got your own back, and you will love yourself no matter what, it stings a lot less when it seems someone else is rejecting you.
(Who cares what they think, anyway?)
With love, your friend on the path,